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Bill Powelson's School of Drums

* BASS PLAYER (and drummer) JOKES *

BASS PLAYER JOKES

It just seems natural that drummers should poke a little fun at Bass players, since they have at lot of laughs at our expense . . .

  • 1.Q: What's the difference between a bass and a trampoline?
  • A: You take off your shoes to jump on the trampoline.

  • 2.Q: Why don't bass players ever catch a cold?
  • A: Even a virus has some pride.

  • 3.Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
  • A: Never mind. The piano player can do it with his left hand.

  • 4.Q: What's the first thing a bass player says when he knocks on your door?
  • A: "Pizza!"

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

A scientific expedition disembarks from its plane at the final outpost of civilization in the deepest Amazon rain forest. They immediately notice the ceaseless thrumming of native drums. As they venture further into the bush, the drums never stop, day or night, for weeks.

The lead scientist asks one of the natives about this, and the native's only reply is "Drums good. Drums never stop. Very BAD if drums stop."

The drumming continues, night and day, until one night, six weeks into the trip, when the jungle is suddenly silent. Immediately the natives run screaming from their huts, covering their ears. The scientists grab one boy and demand "What is it? The drums have stopped!"

The terror-stricken youth replies "Yes! Drums stop! VERY BAD!"

The scientists ask "Why? Why? What will happen?"

Wild-eyed, the boy responds,

" . . . BASS SOLO!!!" -

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

There was a poor ragged bass guitarist panhandling for spare change on a street corner. One day someone came by and threw a brass lamp into his guitar case.

Upon rubbing the lamp, a genie appeared and offered the bass player three wishes. "I wish I was a better musician", said the bass man. Next thing he knew he was in a band that was cutting its first CD and had a loyal following.

He was pretty happy, but he wanted more. "I wish I was an even better musician", said the bassist. Before long he was playing on an extended world tour in front of tens of thousands of adoring fans. He was ecstatic, but he wanted even more.

"Genie", he said, "make me an even BETTER musician!" Poof! He found himself standing on his old street corner . . . playing drums.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

A couple, who's relationship was on the rocks, went to a marriage counselor who could not get them to discuss anything. The communication block was so heavy that nothing he suggested could make them open up and talk.

Finally after several sessions of non-communication, the counselor stands up, walks to the corner of the room and produces a bass guitar. He brings it to the couple, plugs it into a small practice amp and begins to play fervently. Gradually their barriers break down and they begin to discuss their problems and little things that always bothered them that they never felt encouraged to bring up before.

At the end of the session, they were smiling and laughing just like old times. They paid their bill and before leaving, the couple asked the counselor, "What did you do? How did that song help make everything work out?"

He answered simply, "Everybody talks during the bass solo."

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Q- What's the difference between a bass guitarist and God?
A- God doesn't think he's a bass guitarist.

Q- How do you get a bass player to stop playing?
A- Put a sheet of music in front of him.

Q- What do a vacuum cleaner and an bass guitar have in common?
A- Both suck when you plug them in.

Q- How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
A- None--they just steal somebody else's light.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Hot Duck
A bass player walks into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap-dancing on it. The bass player was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheelin' and dealin' they settled for $10000 for the duck and the pot.

Three days later the bass player runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a ripoff! I put him on the pot before a whole audience and he didn't dance a single step!"

"So?" . . . asked the ducks former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?"

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

A guy walks into a bar with a little yellow long-nosed, short-legged dog under his arm.

"That's one ugly dog", says a bass player, while petting his Doberman.

"Heh",says the guy, "but he's a mean little devil."

"That so?", says the bass player, "I'll bet $20 my Doberman will whip yours in less than two minutes!"

The guy agrees and they put their dogs face to face. Each gives the command to attack. In the twinkling of an eye the little yellow dog bites the Doberman in half. The bass player (Doberman's owner) is crying and cussing, and screams "What kind of dog is this?"

"Well" says the guy, "before I cut off his tail and painted him yellow he was an alligator."

A little word to the wise: If you have a friend who is a bass player, you probably don't want to tell these jokes right before he or she sends out Christmas cards because you may not get one.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~


International copyright secured @ Bill Powelson 1994 all rights reserved.